So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My balls are so social today.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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