Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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