I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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