He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
