I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
