This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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