everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
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I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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