We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
