Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
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i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
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Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.