What did we do last night that was yellow?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.