His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"