1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"