If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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