When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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