Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
