i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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