alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
