i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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