Fine. I'll sleep in my office
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
