If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.