a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy