My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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