I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
