there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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