I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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