He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize