you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
