I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
