I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
