when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
my liver is dry heaving
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
