My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
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There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
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Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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