When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Randomize
