it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
