There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
