Jerry, you need to find god
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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