i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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