Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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