based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
