Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
