Plan B is the new Plan A
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
