Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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