My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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