made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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