Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
