Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I wish you could order shots online.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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