I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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