At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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