ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Randomize
