My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
