Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
