if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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