I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize