He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
