I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
