I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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