do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
