By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just found a bag of teeth...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
