apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
