So drunk, too bad you don't want this
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
