and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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