If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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