I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
