btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
