If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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