Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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